CULTURE
The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives: Sinners or Saints?
By: Alexa Fabi, Senior Writer
How did a “soft-swinging” scandal change the lives of a group of Utah moms forever? In Hulu’s new reality television show, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, #Momtok is put on blast, uncovering secrets, lies, scandals, and a trail of some fascinating nuggets of knowledge about Mormonism. Amid the secrets and scandals, viewers are left to discover for themselves, “Are these women sinners or saints?”
As these seemingly picture-perfect women navigate the spotlight, I could not help but notice the palpable tension between adhering to their traditional roles of wives and mothers and their desire for self-expression. The women of “Momtok” live in a world where faith is the driving force behind every decision they make. In 2024, this ideal is often challenged, as religion has become more flexible and personal, and many women are seeking a more progressive and modern approach.
Despite all of the friendship and marital drama and obvious focus on swinging and cheating, the Hulu series facilitates discussions about very real and important conversations about the strict and conservative culture of the church. These discussions are met with contention from some of the more traditional members that perpetuate a harmful narrative that people should be judged and openly shamed for veering away from these standards and values. However, there are countless stereotypes surrounding The Church of Jesus Christ of The Latter Day Saints that also propagate harmful inaccuracies. One cast member, Macy Neely, told PEOPLE "We're the modern Mormons; everyone's not so cookie-cutter." She went on to explain how many people believe everyone in the church wears “bonnets” and are involved in polygamy. Neely also said in the show’s trailer, “We’re trying to change the stigma of gender roles in the Mormon culture.” Stereotypes and assumptions put people into a box and categorize them as something that might not be true. This is just an example of how religion can be so easily misconstrued through the media.
Shortly after the trailer was released the church issued a public statement titled, “When Entertainment Media Distorts Faith.” “We understand the fascination some in the media have with the Church, but regret that portrayals often rely on sensationalism and inaccuracies that do not fairly and fully reflect the lives of our Church members or the sacred beliefs that they hold dear.”
The cast received intense backlash aside from the Church’s public statement after the show’s premier. Many members of the church feel the show does not tell the whole story and believe these women are not an accurate portrayal of ‘Mormon wives.’ This goes back to how women are being painted as sinners or saints. Even though the show may have some inaccuracies and generalizations, the backlash furthers this notion that it is okay to judge women for their personal beliefs. Are people mad because these women are wrong through the eyes of the Church, or are they mad because they are shedding light on serious issues that have been circulating in organized religion for a very long time? The answer, while not entirely plain, leaves room for personal opinion. However, recently, it has been discovered that young women are leaving organized religion at unprecedented rates.
The aspect of this show that really captured viewers’ attention was the dichotomy of “sinners vs. saints.” One of the main points of conflict in the show is centered around the clash between women who practice Mormonism through a progressive and modern feminist lens and the women who choose to practice in the traditional conservative way.
A lot of the cast really focused on erasing the stigma that lies within sexuality and female autonomy. One cast member, Jessi Ngatikaura, champions this discussion. Jessi is a hairdresser and the owner of JZ Styles, a hair extension company and school. She is seen giving the “famous” Mormon blowout hairstyle to many of the women throughout the season. Ngatikaura is divorced from her first husband and now remarried. In one episode she hosts a party to celebrate her decision to get a labiaplasty. Many of the women were shocked and seemingly uncomfortable, but Jessi explained that she was celebrating womanhood and the female body–a very taboo subject, especially for traditional devout Mormons. Another cast member, Layla Taylor, throws herself a divorce party.
In one infamous episode of the show which sparked a lot of controversy, a few of the moms get botox under the influence of laughing gas. One of the wives, Whitney Leavitt, said “It’s a party.” For reference, Leavitt does not drink alcohol or caffeine, so this definitely raised some eyebrows about the morality of it all. Another one of the wives, Mayci Neely says “Am I not gonna get high for free? It’s not against the rules.”
Other wives in the group like Jen Affleck, are painted as the “saints.” Jen is devout and serious about ensuring she upholds the standards of the LDS. In one of the episodes she is very upset when some of the other women are drinking alcohol at her husband’s graduation party. This divide between sinners and saints that is brought up multiple times throughout the show is not a mere source of entertainment, but in fact a very real and prominent discourse. It raises the question: Are the “sinners” really devious or are they seeking to redefine tradition?
Another controversial aspect of this show is the fashion. The “Momtok” style is easily recognizable and very distinct. From the signature long wavy locks to the loud-luxury accessories like Jen’s blue Goyard tote bag, these moms are coming to the screen in style. However, the glaring similarities between everyone’s looks makes it seem like they are wearing a uniform. As noted by Halie LeSavage at Marie Claire, “ each woman's style reads like the same closet in a slightly different font. Skirting the strict rules of their religion where modesty is concerned, they do it in the same ways: crop tops, sheer netted dresses, micro-mini skirts, and tight athleisure sets.” In Mormon culture it is typically customary to dress modestly. Throughout the series we see a mix of girls dressing proactively and modestly. Many of the women wore short dresses or low necklines–an uncommon sight for traditional Mormons. Some of the women like Jen Affleck dressed more modestly in high necklines and longer dresses. Affleck even talks about her “garments.” ” Garments are worn by adult Mormons who have made "sacred promises of fidelity to God’s commandments" in the temple, they say. Per Jen, those promises can happen when you "go through the temple"—taking part in special ceremonies to bring members closer to God—”or get married in it.” It is clear that there is a broad range of interpretation of what modesty is within this community. However, these women dress very alike aesthetically and that is undeniable.
Overall, this show definitely ruffled some feathers. Between the scandals and religious conflict, there is something important to take away from these women. Write your own story. In a world full of people telling each other what to do, what is right and wrong, what is recognized as “sinful” or “saintly,” create your own narrative. This is a call to all women to take control of their story and hey, maybe the secret ingredient to life is being a little bit of sinner and a little bit of saint.